Handouts · Relationships
Setting Healthy Boundaries
A boundary is where you end and someone else begins. It's not a wall to keep people out — it's a line that lets relationships stay respectful and lets you stay well.
What a Boundary Is
A boundary is a clear statement of what's okay and not okay with you — your time, body, energy, and values. It names your limit and what you will do, not an attempt to control the other person.
Healthy boundaries actually build closeness: people know where they stand with you.
Signs You Need One
- Resentment, dread, or exhaustion around a person
- Saying yes when you mean no
- Feeling responsible for others' feelings
- Over-explaining or apologizing constantly
How to Say It
Clear, kind, and brief. A simple formula:
"When ___ happens, I feel ___. Going forward, I need ___."
Example: "When plans change last minute, I feel stressed. Going forward, I need a day's notice."
Make It Stick
- State it once, calmly — you don't owe a debate.
- "No" is a complete sentence. No essay required.
- Name the follow-through: what you'll do if it's crossed.
- Then actually follow through — that's what makes it real.
Guilt Is Normal
If you're used to putting others first, boundaries feel selfish at first. They aren't. Guilt is just the discomfort of a new habit — not proof you did wrong.
People who benefited from you having no limits may push back. That's information, not a reason to fold.