Handouts · Safety & Relationships
Understanding Abuse
Abuse is not always hitting. It is a pattern one person uses to gain power and control over another. If any of this sounds like your relationship, you are not alone — and it is not your fault.
What Abuse Looks Like
Abuse can be many things at once. It often includes:
- Physical — hitting, grabbing, choking, throwing things, or blocking your way.
- Emotional — put-downs, name-calling, humiliation, blaming, or making you doubt your own memory ("that never happened").
- Sexual — pressuring or forcing sex, or controlling birth control or pregnancy.
- Financial — controlling the money, running up debt in your name, or stopping you from working.
- Digital — checking your phone, tracking where you go, or demanding your passwords.
Signs of Control
Many people don't call it "abuse" at first. Warning signs of a controlling relationship:
- Cuts you off from family or friends
- Checks up on you constantly or accuses you of cheating
- Controls money, the car, or your documents
- Threatens you, the children, pets, or themselves
- Blames you for their anger or their behavior
- Scary temper — you find yourself "walking on eggshells"
It Is Not Your Fault
No one deserves to be hurt, threatened, or controlled — no matter what was said or done. The person choosing to abuse is responsible for their own behavior.
You are not "too sensitive," and you did not cause it by making them angry. Abuse is a choice they make.
Why It's Hard to Leave
People stay for real reasons: fear, love, children, money, housing, immigration status, faith, or hope that things will change. Abuse often comes in cycles — tension, an incident, then apologies and calm — which makes it confusing.
Leaving can also be the most dangerous time. That's why a safety plan matters, and why you deserve help thinking it through — on your own timeline.
How It Affects You
Living with abuse can cause anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, headaches, and pain. These are normal responses to an abnormal situation — not signs that something is wrong with you.
If children are in the home, they are affected even when they don't see it directly. Getting support helps you and them.
You Deserve Support
You don't have to have decided anything to reach out. Advocates are free, confidential, and non-judgmental. They can just listen, help you understand your options, and be there whether you stay or go.
Talking to your clinician or an advocate is a first step — not a commitment to do anything.